A Quick Introduction And All The Things I Don't Know

Look. I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m 36 years old. Recently furloughed from a job that was one of very few high points in my life. I am perpetually single, childless, and too socially awkward and introverted to probably ever change either of those things. As much as I love my job I have always wanted to be a writer. Well that’s kind of a lie. I longed to become an actress for most my childhood until the painful realization that if I couldn’t speak in front of one person casually how was I ever going to speak on a stage in front of many people. So yes, that boat has sailed caught fire and sunk.

This was also the same reason why my dream of becoming a standup never took off. Well that and there is the real possibility I may actually not be funny. We will never know because I never pursued it so let’s just go with, I’m hilarious.

Anyway, the point I’m trying and failing at getting at is I’m lost. As many are right now. I have no idea what my future holds. I don’t know if my furlough will end or if my job will. I don’t know if paying for basic things like rent and groceries may go from the norm to a hardship. I don’t know how to help take care of the people I care about during this time. I don’t know how to best take care of myself during this time. I just don’t know.

So, I’m writing. And maybe no one will ever read this or care but its what I’m doing.

For those of you that don’t know me (which I’m going to assume its just my mom reading this so… Hi Mom!! I’ll get that Tupperware back to you soon.) anyway, for those of you that don’t know me, I’m Melissa (or Missy or Mis or Mel…. take your pick. On names I am not lacking). I was (am?) a finance manager for a box office at one of the many entertainment venues in the Twin Cities. Concerts, sports, plays, any and all live events were in abundance here until Covid-19. If you couldn’t find a live event (or 10) to go to on any given night you weren’t trying. It wasn’t only my livelihood; it was the one thing I loved more than anything. I’ve lost count of how many concerts or games or plays I’ve been to. Or worked for that matter. I don’t know (shocking!!) what the new normal is going to be. All I know is the loss of these events is being felt by the people you may not initially think of. Stagehands, engineers, electricians, guest service folks, box offices, concession workers, security… the list goes on and on. As scary as it is to not know the fate of my career there is a bittersweet comfort in knowing that for once… I am not in this alone. There are more people than I can imagine going through the exact same thing. Having the exact same thoughts, the exact same fears.

I’m doing what I can to stay busy. That's all I can do right now to not delve into the “what ifs” just yet. I’m cleaning, aggressively. I’m trying to get better at old hobbies like makeup (is that a hobby?). Recreating makeup looks that twenty something influencers are creating on YouTube is the height of avoidance if I do say so myself. That said I’ve mastered a mean winged liner and an overall look that’s better suited for an 80’s glam rocker than myself. Nothing like donning a big lashed glittery eye while scrubbing those floorboards.

And that folks is my life, these days, in a nutshell. Thank you and good night.

(Like seriously. That's it. That's what I do now. Are you getting why I’ve turned to blogging?? I hope so.)

okay but seriously. Today I submitted a poem to a short form contest. I don't have a chance in hell of being one of the selected poems/winners but it did remind me how healing writing is for me. So I started a new Instagram, quickly threw together this website, and went off to the races. And that brings us up to date.

So until next time... Melissa (Missy Mis Mel)